Sister stories: an interracial marriage experience
Welcome to the Launch of Our Sister Stories Series! 🌸
Join us as we embark on sharing inspiring journey’s, showcasing the powerful lived experiences of Asian women from all walks of life! Sister stories explores unique stories, diving into the challenges they've overcome, the triumphs they’ve celebrated, and the wisdom they’ve gained along the way. Get ready to be uplifted, enlightened, and inspired by the resilience and strength of our community!
In this edition, we delve into the powerful experience of an Asian woman who faced challenges in seeking family approval while falling in love with someone from a different race. Join us as we explore her journey of love, cultural expectations, and the courage it took to forge her own path. Get ready to be inspired by her resilience and the lessons she learned along the way! This is a story shared by a woman, who married into a family with different religious beliefs, a different culture and a completely different family dynamic. She has been happy married for a few years now and would like to share her story:
“The first thing that I would make clear is that marrying out of faith is not for the faint- hearted (and I don't say that in any way of disrespect, ungratefulness or regret)- quite the opposite really- I say it as a disclaimer of be prepared for a bumpy road. Unfortunately, however forward or modern the world has moved as South Asian communities we are still in no way educated or even having conversations about this with our peers, families or children. I would also like to add the FEAR of the conversation, which makes it so much more taboo.
One thing most people don't realise is that you are not a so-called 'rebel' or 'non-conformist'. In most cases, it is never an intentional choice that you made on a whim. It is a circumstance and situation that had a detrimental impact on me both mentally and physically- carrying the burden of being outcast for something out of your control (who you fall in love with) is probably the most vulnerable and challenging things I've ever had to deal with.
If one (like me) comes from a solid, secure family background, it is extremely difficult to have to make a choice (us or him). That is the choice given ultimately. For anyone who is going through it, all you can do is wait and hope for the best.
For me it was a rollercoaster for years and constant thoughts of; will we get married? Will his family accept me if my own family have rejected my choice? Will we bring shame to the very people and families who gave us all the opportunities we had in life?
With two very different worlds coming together, it helped our relationship by having absolute transparency, respect, open-mindedness and love for each other's faith and belief.
People often think your faith must be weak, or worse, not important to you if you marry out of faith. This is a clear misconception. In my experience I clung on more to my faith, especially when I felt my identity and faith were being questioned by people who knew nothing about me.
Not everyone has my story (albeit the difficulty of losing an entire family- which is like losing a limb). I have been blessed to gain a family who have walked by my side and helped me navigate. I'm also lucky that I have a strong husband who truly does love and respect me for me and married me for me and will always remind me of my faith and identify when one feels sometimes lost and away from themselves. He understands how deeply rooted my identity is, and he helps me navigate by worth and being when I feel lost or overwhelmed.
Every choice made by an inter faith couple is an intentional choice and something you must stand strong and firm with.
But like all norms that are challenged or adapted-I truly believe if both parts of the couple are true to their upholding of one another and keeping that sacred zone between them then like anything in life it's about blocking out white noise and having the humans around your table that accept and love you both unconditionally. We truly found that the ones who supported us proved and showed their unconditional love, grace, support, and human kindness- these are the humans who we choose to have around us.
And unfortunately, we are still in a period whereby things are harder for the female in terms of a choice she makes being much more scrutinised. These are the changes that I will discuss with my future daughter (if I was to have one) to show her that she will never be exposed to the idea of her not being accepted for any choice she chooses to make. The notion of that will feel so alien for her (as my future generation). I would want my daughter to look at me and see someone who made damn well sure that she never had to experience a feeling of shame or fear related to who she has chosen to be in this world or who to love. If she was blessed to find someone who loved her unconditionally and because of who she is not despite of who she is then I would feel content for her. I have experienced that and this is a blessing. Thank you for hearing my story.”
(Story shared with AMBER by an Asian woman, AMBER respects her privacy to remain anonymous)
Your stories can help others experiencing similar challenges, if you would like to share a story with AMBER Sister stories, please email: support@ambercommunity.net