As parents, the teenage years can sometimes feel like trying to navigate a maze blindfolded. Adolescents go through a lot—emotionally, physically, and mentally—and it can be tough to keep up. At AMBER, we wanted to share a story that has dominated the news and social media platforms in recent weeks and has provoked interesting conversations on many news networks and even within parliament, Netflix’s documentary Adolescence, which gives parents a chance to really understand what’s going on in their teen's world, offering valuable insights into the challenges they face and how to better support them, particularly as we witness the struggles young people endure in this digital age. This is an issue we believe we must tackle as a society, and as Asian women, we want to contribute to the conversation.

While AMBER primarily supports Asian women, we recognise the importance of working alongside men in addressing mental health issues, particularly among Asian men, you can read our previous article here -Addressing the mental health crisis among Asian men.

In this article, we reflect on how the issues impacting boys, as well as the role we play in parenting and guiding the next generation. Many of us are raising the next generation of men, and we can’t help but consider how the well-made series Adolescence informs our approach to parenting. One thing is clear—there are more influences on today’s youth than ever before. Unfortunately, many of these influences are negative, leading to harmful role models for boys (1).

So, what’s Adolescence about?

Adolescence is a documentary that digs deep into the teenage experience, focusing on everything from emotional ups and downs to social and mental changes. It’s a great watch for parents who want to understand why their teens might act the way they do, and it reminds us how important it is to offer empathy and support during these years.

The teenage brain: why teens think differently

One of the most important things Adolescence highlights is how the teenage brain works. During this time, the brain is still developing, especially the parts that control decision-making, emotions, and impulse control. That’s why teens often seem overly emotional or act impulsively, it’s not them being difficult, it’s just their brains aren’t fully wired yet. For parents, knowing this can be a game-changer. It helps explain why your teen might be acting out or making decisions that don’t make sense. Understanding this scientific side of things can help you be more patient and compassionate when the going gets tough.

Connecting through empathy

At the core of Adolescence is empathy. The documentary gives parents a chance to see the world through their teen’s eyes. It helps you understand the internal struggles teens face and the pressure they’re under. When you can understand where they’re coming from, it becomes a lot easier to guide them through these years. For parents, this is a chance to think about how you can be more present and patient with your teen. With all the challenges they face today, empathy might be the most important tool you have for helping them navigate these years.

Why Adolescence matters for parents

Keir Starmer, the UK's Prime Minister, has recently addressed the challenges presented by the Netflix drama Adolescence, which delves into the impact of online misogyny and youth violence. He acknowledged that the violence depicted, influenced by online content, is "abhorrent" and constitutes a significant societal issue (2).

Starmer expressed his support for screening Adolescence in schools and Parliament, aligning with the creators' intentions to spark widespread discussion and action on these pressing concerns.

He emphasised that addressing these challenges requires a cultural shift, involving efforts across various sectors, including government, education, and media.

Furthermore, Starmer has been watching the series with his children, highlighting its relevance to family discussions about the influences shaping today's youth.

What did Gareth Southgate have to say?

Sir Gareth Southgate, the former England football manager, has expressed deep concerns about the challenges facing young men today. In his recent Richard Dimbleby Lecture, Southgate highlighted several critical issues (3) :

For a more in-depth understanding of Southgate's perspective, you might find this video insightful.

Lack of positive role models: Southgate observed that many young men are turning to "callous, manipulative and toxic influencers" like Andrew Tate due to a scarcity of constructive male mentors. He warned that these figures promote harmful ideals of success, equating it with money and dominance, which can mislead impressionable youths.
Engagement with harmful content: Expressing concern over young males spending excessive time on activities such as gaming, gambling, and consuming pornography. Southgate suggested that these habits may stem from a lack of guidance and opportunities to develop healthier interests.
Emotional expression and support: Highlighting the importance of emotional well-being, Southgate advocated for environments where young men feel comfortable expressing their feelings and seeking help when needed. He emphasised that experiencing and overcoming failure is crucial for personal growth and preparing for future challenges.

These insights have sparked discussions across various platforms, including social media, where individuals are reflecting on the need for positive male role models and supportive communities.

These ideas are linked closely to the work of Mike Nicholson, who is the founder of Progressive Masculinity (4). This organisation has been has been working with schools to reshape the idea of masculinity for boys and men (5). Figures show that young men are 3 times more likely to take their own lives than their female peers, and one of the factors is that they are conditioned not to show their emotions (6).

What to do if you are concerned about your teenager:

Start the conversation: Ask open-ended questions about their thoughts and feelings, encouraging them to share their emotions and perspectives.
Create a supportive environment: Foster a judgment-free space where your teen feels comfortable expressing themselves.
Acknowledge their emotions: Validate their feelings, whether positive or negative, and reassure them that it's okay to experience a range of emotions.
Don’t downplay what your child is experiencing: which might be- social pressure, anxiety, loneliness, rejection, identity confusion. Your role is to notice, support and be a safe space.
Focus on developing your teen’s critical thinking skills:
There will always be threats and influences online. Help your teen learn to pause and question what they see — whether it’s a message, a trend, or an opportunity. Encourage them to ask themselves: Who created this? Why? What do they want me to believe or do? Teach them how to spot red flags like emotional manipulation, unrealistic promises, or pressure to act quickly. Building these skills empowers them to make informed choices and trust their own judgment, even when you're not there to guide them.
Raise creators, not just consumers:
Help your child see themselves as active participants online, not just passive scrolllers. Ask questions like, “What are you learning online?” or “How are you adding value instead of just watching others?” These conversations encourage them to think critically about how they spend their time and what they contribute. With the right guidance and skills, social media can become a powerful tool for creativity, learning, and positive connection.
Empower, don’t scare: empower them with wisdom and emotional stregth. Fear-based parenting leads to silence. Empowered parenting leads to silence. Our aim is to build a relationship of safety and trust.
Set clear boundaries: You can’t watch your teen 24/7 — and you don’t need to. Setting clear, consistent rules around screen time, app use, and online behaviour creates a healthy structure they can rely on. Instead of just monitoring, stay curious about what interests them online and make space for regular conversations about their choices. When teens understand the “why” behind the boundaries and feel heard, they’re more likely to develop their own sense of responsibility and make safer, smarter decisions even when you're not looking.
Instil self worth: Many teens are dealing with comparison, shame, validation anxiety. Teach them its ok not to be liked by everyone, and their worth is not determined by comments and likes. Teach tehm how to respond to criticism and bullying.
Focus on building resilience: let them fail and make mistakes, as it is how they learn to get back up and grow from this that is key to their development.
Spend quality time together and a sense of belonging: Prioritise family activities, stay engaged in their interests, and practice active listening to show you care. The more they feel seen and heard, and as though they belong, the less likely they might turn to external factors and influences to feel understood.
Provide support and guidance: Encourage healthy coping strategies like talking to friends, pursuing hobbies, or physical activity. If necessary, suggest seeking professional help.

Parenting through the teenage years can feel overwhelming at times, and it’s important to remember — you don’t have to do it alone. Building a supportive network around you can make a world of difference. It’s not only okay to talk openly about the challenges you’re facing — it’s powerful. Chances are, others are going through similar experiences. By staying connected, informed, and intentional, we can equip our teens with the confidence and tools they need to navigate the road ahead. Together, we can help them grow into strong, resilient young adults.

What can we do to help our pre-teen children?

At AMBER, we believe it’s crucial to teach our children resilience. School, friendships, and growing up can all bring challenges, and the ability to bounce back from setbacks is essential for their long-term confidence and mental health. In the book The Danish Way of Parenting, the authors highlight the importance of building resilience from an early age. This means encouraging children to navigate difficulties on their own — whether it’s solving a conflict with a friend, dealing with a disappointing grade, or trying again after failing at something new. As parents, it’s about offering steady support and reassurance without immediately stepping in to fix things. By giving them the tools to face challenges with courage and perseverance, we help them develop strength, independence, and a belief in their own abilities that will stay with them for life.

Practical tips for parents:

Establish boundaries: Set rules like no phones in bedrooms to prevent unsupervised influence.
Use parental controls: Ensure devices are as safe as possible.
Create a safe space for conversation: Let your children know they can talk to you about any problem.
Delay phone use: Consider waiting until your child is 14 before giving them a smartphone.
No social media until 16: Many parents choose this guideline to protect their children’s mental health.
Get a simple phone: Opt for a basic phone if your child only needs communication, avoiding smartphones.
Sign the parent pact: Join over 108,000 parents committed to protecting children from harmful online influences.

Useful resources:

Smartphone Free Childhood: Advocates that childhood is too short to be spent on a smartphone . This organisation offers lots of resources to help parents navigate the pressures faced to get children a smartphone.
Smartphone Free Childhood, Dr Rangan Chatterjee - 10 tips for parents: some top tips to help you navigate this new frontier in parenting – whether your child has a smartphone already, or you’re feeling the pressure to get them one.

Final Thoughts

As we navigate parenting in today’s digital world, it’s essential to keep supporting our children in recognising their self-worth and fostering an environment of inclusion and empathy. The challenges young people face today impact both boys and girls. By staying proactive and having open, honest discussions, we can better equip the next generation to thrive.

When discussing the influences on boys, it’s also important to recognise that failing to address these issues has a wider impact — especially on girls and women. Our daughters may one day form relationships with boys who have been influenced by harmful, misogynistic figures. Collective action is needed to prevent these toxic ideologies from taking root. If you notice someone engaging with or agreeing with misogynistic influencers like Andrew Tate, find a way to open up a conversation. Gently encourage critical thinking, explore their views together, and offer different perspectives — just as we’ve discussed above.

We also want to acknowledge that while we recommend Adolescence as a must-watch for parents, it’s important to note that the film does not tell the story of the girl. The experiences of girls and women affected by toxic ideologies must be seen and heard. Without sharing their stories, they risk remaining invisible — even within strategies that aim to protect them.

If you’re interested in connecting and supporting each other as we raise our children in today’s complex world, please reach out to AMBER here. We would love to arrange an online meet-up where we can share experiences, ideas, and strategies that have worked for us.

#TogetherWeCan support and empower our children.

REFERENCES:

The Childrens Society. How toxic masculinity effects young people. Link.
The Guardian. (2025). From the police to the prime minister: How adolescence is making Britain face up to toxic masculinity. Link
BBC News. (2025). Teenagers’ mental health is a ‘ticking timebomb,’ says charity. Link
Progressive Masculinity. (n.d.). About Us. Link
BBC News. (2025). The rise of toxic masculinity in online spaces. Link
RCPCH. State of Child Health. Link.
NHS. (2025). Mental health: Children and young adults. Link

Parenting in the age of influence; reflections on ‘Adolescence’.